I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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