Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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