I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
