i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
