would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
