Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
