I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
