im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
