Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
