Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
