dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
my liver is dry heaving
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
