My friends, they love my intelligence
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
