oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
