I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
