Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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