no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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