Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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