the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
