evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So many bounce houses so little time
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
