Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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