Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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