Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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