I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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