if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
