Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she told me i tasted like america
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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