You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
