Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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