I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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