chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
That's when you crack a 10am beer
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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