ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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