he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
