He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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