There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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