i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
