i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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