Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
