...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
