i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
