so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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