In the future we'll all be gay
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
