bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
