dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
