doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He did a backflip because drugs
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
