WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
