do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
