ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
