This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
