i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
