Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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