where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
