ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
