Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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